Five Secrets to a Happy, Healthy & Successful Life  By Marilyn Tam

You make well-meaning resolutions to improve your life. But your resolutions fade under the stress of multiple demands on your time and attention. Oftentimes the resolutions are history before the month is done. How can we ensure that we actually benefit from the good intentions that we made with such conviction?

Many years ago I made an earnest resolution to work less and to spend more time on my personal life, family and health.

Being a type A personality, it was easier to say that than to follow through. By late in the same month, as I am running through another airport, I realized that I am already back to my old pattern of working seven days a week.

On the next plane ride I took the time to ask myself a few hard questions. From that experience I developed these Five Guidelines to have a Happier, Healthier and more Successful Life. Isn't that what we are ultimately after?

1. Make resolutions that you can manage. Specify your desired end result and make the goals measureable. For example, instead of saying that you want to lose weight, give yourself a specific time frame for a number of pounds or inches broken down into smaller pieces so that you have incremental targets to meet. Make the objectives a slight stretch but achievable. You are more likely to continue once you see positive progress towards your ultimate goal.

Have you heard this before? “Love or Business, you have to choose.” The message is direct - you have to decide what you value more, something/one you love or your work/business. Actually, there is a more factual statement – Love is Good Business.

February is the month of love. A great deal of thought and energy will be spent on expressions of love, usually for a romantic partner. The truth in the old axiom, Love makes the World Go Round, applies to all aspects of life, not only to romantic love. When you are doing what you love, you are going to be more successful in it, and you will also be happier and at peace. It’s only natural.

“I don’t think I have ever worked in my life, because work to me means that you are really doing something you don’t like.”

 Business and Heartbreak

By Marilyn Tam

“Violence is what happens when we don’t know what to do with our heartbreak… learn how to allow your heart to break open to embrace the lessons with compassion, not broken into sharp shards that hurt others as well as yourself”

-                     Parker J Palmer, author, educator, and founder of the Center for Courage & Renewal. 

Dr. Palmer directed the above quotation at leadership and democracy, but I think it applies to how you should manage your business and life too. Violence in business and life thankfully does not usually degenerate into physical force, but the above concept is instructive in how we deal with all our challenges. 

When we have a life or business challenge, do we narrow our focus to how we can get out of the immediate circumstance, or do we expand our vision and strategy to learn how we can improve the results for this and other situations?

With a challenge is looming in front of us, it is easy to fall back into a reflexive mode. We want to make the problem go away immediately, but a decision made in haste or from anger is less than ideal. The flight or fight instinct is activated and to respond aggressively or retreat without full consideration of the options, often prove to be worse than the initial situation. 

TO LIE OR NOT TO LIE 

By Marilyn Tam

Scott Thompson, the four months old CEO of Yahoo, was forced to resign because he lied on his resume. Worse, he lied about his lying and was found out. He denied that he inserted an extra degree into his resume, and then he blamed the recruiting firm he worked with for doing so. The recruiting firm, wanting to maintain their reputation, showed that it was Mr. Thompson who lied. Net result is that Mr. Thompson now has much more time to contemplate the efficacy of lying. 

            The question is, what are we willing to tolerate in our leaders’ behavior and reflectively in our own? Lying is bad. We’ve been told that ever since we were little. Or have we? Haven’t we also been told, “don’t say that, it will make them feel bad”, and there are such things as “white lies”, as compared to I guess black lies, which are bad.

            So we have grown up with some sense of expediency in what we call lying. Why do people lie? Is it because there is a perception that one can get ahead faster by lying than by telling the truth? Why would someone who is already well credentialed and respected feel the need to embellish his or her story? Is it a basic human nature to try to appear more than we are?